The kind of love letters I write are the ones you read in bed, stretched out under the sheets with one hand between your legs.
Michael Faudet    (via michaelfaudet)
  • Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
  • Period: You want cookies
  • Period: You want to fuck
  • Period: You want to fuck while eating cookies.
  • Period: Let's be sad about trivial things, shall we?
  • Period: Kill them.
  • Period: Kill them too.
  • Period: Kill them and eat their cookies.
  • Period: Shhhh it's okay you'll feel better soon.
  • Period: HAHAHAHAHA NO YOU WON'T FUCK YOU.
  • Period: Whoops you dropped a spoon better cry
  • I’m someone who’s mostly dead inside but still has a little hope for something extraordinary, which, as I said, is the worst breed of human, because it means I know everything is bullshit, but that I secretly hope for the day when it might not be.
    ― Nick Miller (via wordsthat-speak)
    Perhaps a sin that humbles you is better than a good deed that makes you arrogant
    ― (via witcheszbrew)

    (Source: rabeevstheworld)

    Popeye the Sailor Man